You are goddam right this is hard but never ever in my life have i ever thought about going back not once. not even on the days i cried in my car before work and walked in smiling like nothing happened. not even when i had seventeen dollars left and a whole week to go. not even at 2am calling my mom just to hear her voice because i didnt know what else to do and i think thats actually insane when i think about it. like something in me just refuses. refuses to let all of this be for nothing people dont see the quiet ways you keep choosing yourself. waking up again. trying again. not quitting even when quitting would be so much easier and honestly so much more comfortable. there is no applause for that. but i see it. i see me doing it and that has to count for something im not where i want to be yet but i am so far from where i started and i forget that too much. this is hard yes. but hard means its real and if its real it means it matters and if it matters then every single messy in between day is worth it im not going back. the only direction i know is forward and i think thats honestly the most powerful thing about me